That Moment When...

I admit I can be a bit obsessive. I come by it honestly. Just ask my mother about her 1,000+ collection of antique dolls. My earliest memory of obsessing over the scale was when I was around 13 years old. I remember praying it hovered over the same group of numbers every day (yes, I weighed myself every day). I even weighed myself multiple times a day. Not healthy.

In my recent years, I've stayed ignorant to what the actual number was. My motto during the monthly, then weekly weigh-ins for both my pregnancies was, "I'm looking away, and I don't want to know."

However, towards the end both times I snuck a look. Both times the scale climbed to 200lbs.

I hate even typing  that - Two. Hundred. Pounds.

But, that's my truth, and I'm OK with it.

Flash forward to my Trim Healthy Mama journey starting January 2016.

I have no idea what my starting weight was. Once I began losing, and I thought the number would be lower than I anticipated, I stepped on the scale. My weight was 5lbs below that of my starting weight with my second baby - 163lbs.

That felt good! However, I quickly stalled and had trouble getting below 160 for 2 months. I tried the THM Stubborn Losers menu, and finally got past the stall to steadily losing  again.

That's when I started becoming obsessed with the numbers. It began with weighing once every few days. Then once every day.

The up 2lbs, down 3lbs, up 3lbs day-to-day reality is enough for anyone to get frustrated. Why won't it move? Why is it so different from yesterday? What did I do wrong?

This went on for weeks, until one of my hops on the scale almost drove me to drink. It was up 4lbs from the previous day. The most I've seen it jump in just a day. I was done!

I made a vow to stay away for a while. My birthday was coming up, and I wanted to enjoy it without the added guilt the scale had to offer.

My birthday came, I enjoyed glorious Morelli's ice cream every day that week without a second thought.

It wasn't until a week after the fact that I stepped on the scale for the first time in two weeks. I had a mental chat with myself beforehand, "It's OK if it's up a little. It will come right back off. Don't let it get to you."

Step on the scale. Wait...that can't be right.

Step on, make sure my full feet are on it. Bounce on it. WHAT. Are you shittin' me?

145lbs.

It was that tiny bit of letting go that finally helped me get over the 154-152 wavering I had been doing for weeks (if not months).

Now I have promised myself to only step on the scale once a week (every week, same day, same time of day).

I have too many other things, and quite frankly more enjoyable things, to do than to worry about a number on the scale.

What I do worry about is my training. Do I feel stronger? Can I do more, faster? Can I lift heavier? Are things feeling easier? What I also pay attention to is how my clothes feel. Loose, tight, or in between? However, the most important of all is how I feel. Do I feel good about where my body is at right now? Am I meeting my goals? Am I treating my body right?

Goals are more than weight.

You and I are so much more than a number on the scale can tell you. There's more to you than a simple number. That number doesn't measure your drive, determination, or self worth. It's just a number, and it has no power over you.

Stay strong, and chase those goals.